My spiritual bday...
Woke up in the morning, spent my time praying with David. I had a fully recharged day today, with breakfast from Hans, my favourite apple pie (a pity apple crumble was out) and I truly was enjoying my spiritual birthday. I had in mind to spend sometime with God in the evening, praying at my favourite mountain. Mount Emily. Thats where I connect.
Touch Point: "have you ever been to a place where it seems so easy to pray there. Despite all the things that may be happening, or problems we may be carrying, but because we were simply there, it is so easy to connect to God..."
I had to work today, moreover, my colleague Hwee was out for reservist, therefore, i had to double-up and get myself prepared and ready for what i need to do! Had meeting with Boss, discussed about directions of where the dept is going...
Touch Point: "have you ever thought of the difference between leading and managing?"
I realize that we can be leaders in whatever position we are in, but we cant manage anything unless we are given the authority to do it. Had a fruitful meeting, lunch was paid for... and I went back to office.
Touch Point: "Is friendship defined by our own understanding and expectations of friendship or is there a common standard of friendship?"
Went for groceries shopping after prayer... and thats when I head home only waiting to be surprised....
The sisters in my group barged into my house... Banging at my door... and VIOLA! Birthday cake, tiramitsu... and my favourite... SALAD!
Crack Jokes and laugh and laugh till they forgot to share for me...hahahaha! I was so touched.. so touched... so touched.... (the dots... take note of the ...)
Touch Point: Have you ever felt so joyful before in your life to the point that you can't really feel any more? Sounds scary? It's like what's it feel like after being more than happy?
At that point in time, I realized one thing about my life... I have come to accept that:
1) People loves me and there are people who cares for me.
2) These people may not necessarily remember me everyday, or express their love to me everyday.
3) That love is not something conditional, and when others do unto me, they do not expect the same to be returned back to them.
4) And that the day I die, I know that the lesson I have learn in life about love, will be shown by the people and their tears.
Hmm... If grateful is not the word to use to conclude this birthDAY.... I really dont know of any other word!
The heart of a prayer...
When the woman called the sinner entered the house of Simon the pharisee, I wonder, didnt she know that she was an out-cast and was not in the place of his home? Wouldnt she feel awkward or worry that she may be thrown out of the house? What if Jesus himself, feel awkward and out of place, when she comes with what she intends to do for Him.... But she couldnt care less. She was desperate, and she knows she has nothing left. Nothing left to offer Him, but her emptiness, for Him to fill...
And I wonder if I am willing to be empty before God and let God fill me.
As I pray and come before Him, do I bring my doubts and disbelief?
Or do I come before him, believing in His mercy and love.
And knowing, that my debts are just too much to be counted,
And His mercy, everlasting, till the day I die and go to heaven....
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Gandhi Insights:
When we are attacked and provoked, do we or shall we fight back?
Yes we do. But do we fight back out to make a difference and a change,
Or fight to punish those who fought against us.
For Me, I leave the punishment to God.
What I do, is do my very best to fight and make that change.
New found love...
Been sometime since I last pinned down my thoughts in this wall.. Thought that it will be a great thing to do today. :)
I learnt from a sister just yesterday that Love aint suppose to be earned. Its kinda difficult for me to swallow, as I have always believed that faith without deeds is dead. Growing up in an environment where I need to be independent, capable and adaptive, I took lots of pride at my endurance, and how I can fix and handle so many different things and issues. Pride welled up inside me. That I must conffess. And when love reaches a point where I need to let go and let God, I realize it was really difficult. Love, to me, simply had to be earned. Believe in it as much as I would, but the fact remains, I need to do something for love to grow.
I was reading chapter 1 of a book by Max Lucado entitled Love worth giving... Not really my favourite author per-say, but he wrote a very convicting 6 hours one friday which I have on my shelf. I truly recommend this book on understanding the heart of God on the cross at Calvary!
And I finally got the answers to my doubts:
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The love worth keeping, Have I learnt to accept?
So un-believing, I lived in simple denial.
Not the possibility of such love ever exist,
That's what i oft complained in sorrow.
But one who has been forgiven many,
Is the one who will forgives many.
How true is this statement, I ponder...
And how difficult is its acceptance, I struggle.
Can you fill me with your love, Sovereign Lord...
Will your heart be opened up for Me, my child.
Is it really that easy oh God?
Looks simple, hard to break through your will.
Is it that I do not trust You?
I believe in you yet there are old habits simply hard to kill.
Can I take this step of faith in love?
Its in your hands that my nailed hands are waiting to hold...
Thus begin, a new walk with God.
Knowing that I can never repay His love,
Always grateful, this reminder I have.
Never empty, for God is who'll fill me...
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Joke Jong 2006-july Inspired by A love worth giving from Max Lucado.
All thanks to Joanna who lent me that book. :)
UPside Down Love...
I recently learn a new meaning in love. Nope, not about sacrifice and neither its about a new way of loving someone. And nah.. I am not in love either :) At least not yet!
I believe though that I am loving as I am living. Not really as how the world says it as in love.. in luv... kinda feeling, but really living a loving life. In fact, most of us are... living a life-love.
Everyone of us have something that we desire in our heart. The least of it, say a baby, also desires her mother's love. And sometimes our desires may not be fulfilled because our expectations are not met. But thats how love comes into place. I guess we are 'brain-washed' by the world that love exist when 2 parties have agreed to allow each other depend on one another, or even take advantage of one another. However, what is really the purest form of love.
I realize that the purest form of love can never be taken away by anyone but ourselves. What do I mean.. say, if I love a person and that person knows it, but does not reciprocate that love... Nothing that anyone in this world can do, can stop me from loving that person more or less. So long as I want to love that person, even if that person refuses the deeds of love, still, my love exists!
Perhaps we see love right now as something so 'surface'. Something so easily seen. And the world has definitely influenced us very well through movies, through dramas, through songs, books and even businesses! However, if we really ask ourselves even as we may be together with our loved-ones, how much does love exist in the fulfillment of that expectations, i would say that its almost to none.
God first loved us. God died for us, and risen so that we may be able to experience love in that purest form. Its so difficult to understand and grasp that idea of such love when the world we live in today is so real in this.
I thought about this... I guess that the best part of loving someone is when Forest loves Jenny, and whatever Jenny does, though it hurts Forest a lot, yet doesnt change the way Forest loves Jenny. Though Jenny does not stay with Forest, nor reciprocates to his love, still, there is something more precious than whats visible, its the love and connection that Forest has for Jenny that no body, not even Jenny, can take from Forest. :)
What a therapeutic session for me. Really convicted me in my love for people around me especially to those who are often so difficult to love. Truly, there is nothing more that I can do but to put in love in my servitude to them. I believe though, like a parent to his kids, that one day, they will all understand what I do.
What a tiring week it has been for me. Been v fearful and drained out. Am looking forward to my good nite sleep now. Hopefully I can handle tomorrow better with better vigor and spirituality.
